Microsoft Giving Away Free Netbooks

April 1, 2011

In an unprecedented move, Microsoft will be giving away free notebooks today in an effort to slow the bleeding the low profit market segment has suffered since the release of the iPad almost exactly 1 year ago. Working with vendors who have seen many of their netbooks sit on shelves or warehouses over the last few months, Microsoft will give away the netbooks at their retail store locations to those lucky enough to qualify for the promotion.

In order to qualify for the free netbook, customers who arrive at the Microsoft retail store must show a printed copy of the e-mail sent out by Bill Gates offering the free netbook, along with all the people they forwarded the message to. Once they show this proof, they will be allowed in a secret back room of the Microsoft store where they may choose their netbook.

When asked about the offer, Steve Ballmer said, “I was in a meeting with a netbook vendor who said that ever since the iPad came out, they can’t give these things away. I didn’t believe him so I figured we would put it to the test. Plus, we need the space in our secret back rooms for all the Zune devices we didn’t sell.”

Questioned why Microsoft decided to promote the offer using chain e-mails from Bill Gates that seem suspiciously like hoax messages floating around the Internet, Ballmer turned a bit red and sweaty and stammered, “Uhh … People love getting e-mail from Bill.” Asked about the fact that Apple can’t make enough iPads to meet demand while netbook vendors must resort to giving them away caused Ballmer to turn brighter red and begin to wave his hands frantically. While attempting to answer, he was pressed to explain if Microsoft really thought that April Fool’s Day was the best timing for the promotion. This caused Ballmer to erupt in a undecipherable tirade as he stormed out of the room.

For more info on the promotion, check your spam filter for any messages forwarded from Bill Gates.

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